FREEDOM!

this is what i like to call "Santiago's Flight of Death."
it occurs 3-4 times a week (i'm being generous), when i cook something that sets off the smoke detector, and need to open my door to air out the shoebox.
i believe this is what goes through his head:
"ohh. i smell a little steak smoke. this bitch is gonna burn. come on, smoke detector, don't let me down."
"COME ON. COME ONNNNNN!!!"
finally the detector goes off and i begin by opening up a window.
"you know that never works, dumbass. go for the door. GO FOR THE DOOR, YOU STUPID CONTROLLING BITCH!"
i go for the door.
"here we go here we go. i'll catch her off guard when she inevitably goes back to the 'kitchen' to nibble on raw steak."
i prop the door and go nibble on steak.
"YESSSS!!!! I'M FREE!!! I"M FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!"
2 minutes later i have trapped him and brought him back inside.
"you stupid bitch, i'll get you next time. your beef addiction WILL bring you down!! WUAHAHAHAHA."