mi super ex-novia

it's very confusing, this having two homes thing. i'm here, i'm at home, but i miss my home. so while i'm trying to enjoy my family here, i miss my family there. i miss walking a few miles every day without even noticing. i miss being in my own apartment, with privacy, and a dog on my lap, and DVR and the fishbowl. i miss my bed and i miss my friends. i miss not being the one in exile. i miss fish bar and my coffee maker and whole foods. fucking whole foods, i love you so.

but i'm here. and it's warm but not crippling. and it's breezy. and i get to drive and drive and see nothing but green. and i have Medalla. and meat everyday (twice a day) without anyone thinking that's weird. and PR politics and La Comay and subtitles at the movies. i have old friends who are fiercely loyal, the most loyal people i've ever known. i have the wonders of discovering how much Puerto Rico has changed in 7 years, while really just staying the same.

i hate being the one who has to be here, not for vacation, but for giving. i have to be here because i don't want to be here. it's been years and years since i've visited my family for this long. at the end of my trip, i will have been away from new york for over a month.

at least i'm not still in Texas.