um

i never ever thought i'd see this day.
i thought i would be in new york forever, or at least until i got into BU medical school.

but i'm leaving. for real this time.
i'm deferring school, i'm quitting the hospital, i'm leaving.

i'm heartbroken and i'm defeated.
i'm alone and i'm terrified.
but i will be triumphant.

i will do this alone.
i will find what i need.
but first, i have to go.

i had a surreal experience tonight, and i believe my father spoke to me in the voice of another person.
because it was a cab driver who consoled me when i was inconsolable.
he told me i would march on like a flower that grows through the cracks in cement.
he told me that even if i do not see him, i do have a guide.
that i will never be alone.

not a single soul in this world will ever be me. and so i will stop feeling misunderstood, and will start feeling victorious.

but first, i gotta go.