ladies and gentlemen........

i have keys.

notes from the cafeteria

i've noticed that my coffee intake triples when I am in school.

that's all.

DO ME A FAVOR PLIS

this song haunts me in my dreams, it is my favorite on the CD and i wish every song in my iTunes (what up, Britney) moved me as much as this one.
so download it,
Apres Moi, Regina Spektor

it's list time!

halfway through my first week of classes, i have a few observations.

1. no mater how desperate i am for distraction, to leave my house, chemistry still blows.

2. one of my favorite things about moving back to Puerto Rico is that my brain has switched languages, making Spanish the frontrunner again.

3. along the same idiom lines, i'm beginning to use the appropriate Spanish word for items/feelings i never thought to translate, like "laundry" and "whatever," and "popcorn."

4. i have traded one set of paranoid thoughts ("TERRORISM!") for another ("CRIME!!"), but ultimately i am less anxious.

5. i still often oversleep, except now i can't count on a quick cab/subway ride to save me. yesterday i woke up at 7:15 for a 7:30 class, and thanks to traffic and my slow ass, i got to class 20 minutes late.

6, it's cool to go to the same school as Elba. kinda reminds me of high school. except she's no longer President of the Student Council, since she has traded that post for "President of Getting Cristina Organized."

7. i like it here. and i especially like the commercials we get on Fox Caribbean et al, particularly the ones from the Virgin Islands, advertising clothing stores and used car dealerships. that shit cracks me up.

dammit

so i buckled under the pressure.

i thought i was going to able to avoid it, especially since i hated "on the radio."
but then i saw "fidelity" on vh1 Jump Start and started reconsidering.
i convinced myself again i would not do it.
but the song followed me, and finally, there was nothing i could do.

she went on CBS Sunday Morning and ruined all chances i had at redemption.
so last night i got the new Regina Spektor.
and now i'm totally hooked, and totally lame.

first day - again

i have not had any schooling in Puerto Rico since May of 1999.
i have never been to college here, and it's been a long time since i was here for something not related to family, or vacation.

oh yes, i'm a student again.
oh yes, i have loans again, and homework, and extracurriculars.
i have literature and labs and animals to dissect.

i prepared well for this.
that's right. i spent the weekend at a beach house. and i slept, and i swam, and i listened to the coqui, and i spent a lot of time just relaxing.
i missed the massive party in Old San Juan, but it was worth it.

i have to admit, i have a bit of deja-vu.
i mean, santiago licking my feet, a mess for a desk, disorganized school and art supplies.
it's just as if i were back in the chelsea.
and really, my room isn't THAT much smaller than my old stomping ground.
how sad.

you can call me Al

it has been freezing in Puerto Rico for a few days.
i don't mean grab a coat, but i DO mean hoodie action/no beach (to be fair, in part due to NONSTOP rain)/it's 50 when i wake up freezing.
i am not used to this.
i have become a weather pussy.

i've had the sniffles about 4 times this "winter," and this morning i woke up with intense sore throat/ear pain nastiness.
this would have never happened in new york.
i dont DO sick.
global warming is making us ALL crazy.

this morning i go to the school i'll be attending (starting monday) to try and finally register.
for awhile there it looked like i was going to have to wait till summer to start classes again, but i think by this afternoon i'll have it all sorted out.
i wont forget my hoodie.

oh kari

when she got back from europe recently, karina gave me possibly the best "i got you this while on vacation gift" - EVER.
she gave me a kaleidoscope.

even though i've had it for awhile, i still like to bust it out when i need a boost.

i plan on spending tonight completely absorbed by the 24 dachshunds and infinite mirrors in my room.

tiñes mis dias

alright, so I admit i've been melancholy lately. I blamed it on PMS, but then my period came and went and i'm still sorta crutched in the head.

today, oh yes, today I think I labeled the source of my crutchery.

I feel inappropriate. inappropriate and out of place.
underdressed, with hair that's too curly, nails that are too short, breasts that are too small, a hunger that's too big, a wardrobe that's not fancy enough, and a waist that's not small enough.

this troubles me.
for I have never lacked self-confidence.

but PR breaks me down.
and it's kinda weird, and scary, and I don't really know what to do about it.

for here I am, shopping for glasses with him, at the mall, and i'm wearing my old buddha shirt, ripped jeans and messy hair. and I feel totally, completely and without a doubt inappropriate.

fiel a la chelsea

just as is tradition in CristinaLandofFuntimes, today i spent the morning undoing the mess that has acumulated in my room since October. re-did my closet (again), threw out of Forever 21 shirts stained by mascara and ocean water, did a comprehensive count of still-wearable wifebeaters (down to 3!!!), and reexamined my taste in shoes.

i found some old crutched up shit, as usual, and cried while laughing at old love letters.
while reminiscing about 12th-grade boyfriends and 9th-grade dances, i realized i gotta stop being so hard on the Laguna Beach/Disney/New MTV generations. after all, when i was their age, i was in love with a motley crew of unnatractive and generally douchebag-y suspects.

so now i've worked up a sweat and i need some meat, and a shower plis.
and santiago needs to stop licking the sand off the floor (and my feet). i'm sure not all of it is from the beach.

hmm

this afternoon, as i was doing my mom's makeup, i asked her something i've been wondering for a long time.

"mom, this is random, but, when you had your mastectomy, were you super upset? was it traumatic?"

my mom instantly smiled, shrugged, and said "not at all. my breast wasn't that important to me. i'm not my tit. i'm me."

right on.

foking wiken puneta.

i'm so highly annoyed at him right now, and it's really kinda not his fault, and i need to chill out cause this is my bag, not his, so fine, i can calm down. sing some old Mecano, put on eyeliner, fake a smile and tell him, oh no, i'm fine. which he knows is fat lie and will hopefully find endearing cause i'm tired of being pissed.

let it be known that i hate living with my family.
also, i'm tired of using PMS as an excuse for my behavior.
and i secretly like that beyonce song, and shakira again.
i want to go see Ricky Martin in february, and i dont care what anyone thinks.
i dont miss new york, i miss my friends, and i'm really glad the beach is always 5 miutes away.
i'm sick of comments about my weight, but in general i'm very happy.

and he's here to pick me up so i'm busting a move.
a nice, pleasant smile type of move. not a "i'll cut you" greeting. no. not today.

get up off this

the last box arrived from NY today. i'm officially moved. Guaynabo City, 00969. holy shitballs, it's done.
and i'm actually happy.

scratch that, i'm happy, at peace, content, loved, loving, and calm.

i wish my friends were all here, but life can't be perfect, right? the weather can be, though, and it is. PR becomes me.
i'm glad i came.

i'm also glad the holidays are almost over, because they were brutal this year. i need a vacation. instead i get to spend Three Kings Day making brownies for my bf's niece, and accepting that maybe i can like kids after all.