here's a thought.

i wrote something very late last night. it was part of this ongoing thing i've been doing, where instead of driving myself crazy with trying to figure out what i should be doing, or what my friends are thinking, i just write. it's generally a stream of thought, on Word (i can type much faster than i can shorthand), and once i'm exhausted from all the emotion pouring out of my fingertips, i stop, and continue merrily along with my evening/day/dawn.

except last night i think i managed to produce something that was much more clear. when i read it back last night, and then again just now, i was shocked at how eloquent i was in the middle of what appeared to be a breakdown.
i believe i have finally discovered why i am so pissed.
and now i don't know what to do with this information.

i thought about posting it, but it's too personal. plus, really, the people that need to know this information will never see it anyway.
so maybe i can send a mass email? but that just seems a bit self-indulgent and dramatic (there's that word again).
i can call a "circle of trust" meeting. which would be amazing.
i can stop talking to everyone i know. which, considering the fact that i don't shut up (i found a reason for that, too), would be near impossible.
or, i can do what i actually plan on doing right now, which is go meditate and pretend i didn't just realize i apparently hate my entire network of friends and family for making me feel like shit.

awesome.