things you can tell just by looking at her groceries

1. recycled paper towels: "wow, she must be really environmentally conscious. i bet she's also a vegetarian."
2. 3 different types of deodorant: "umm. she goes to the gym?"
3. 2 organic chicken legs: "i guess she likes dark meat? maybe she's just TRYING to be a vegetarian."
4. 4 separate packs rib eye steak, 2 steaks per pack: "vegetarian my fucking ass!"
5. i large strip steak from the butcher: "this is borderline sick."
6. 1 loaf of whole-grain bread: "well this is healthy."
7. 1 pound each turkey and muenster cheese: "forget healthy. this bitch likes her meat and cheese."
8. 3 bags terra blue chips: "who buys 3 enormous bags of blue chips!?!?"
9. 2 boxes Kashi:"this is her trying to make up for the fact that she got 14 lbs of beef."
10. whole milk: "borderline heart attack, this one."
11. 2 bags pistachios: "i guess she just likes nuts."