meh

i hate being in a house this big. it's lonely, the sounds freak me out, and i miss my pup psychotically.

i keep thinking i'll go back to new york on tuesday, finish my class, then come back to PR and stay the summer. that would require taking a leave from the hospital during the best of my rotations, but it may be what i have to do.

or maybe i will stay here now and take an incomplete in the class, plus the leave, and worry about all that later.
usually i can make a decision rather quickly, at least when it comes to my life, but because this requires me to essentially guess how much time i have to tie up loose ends in NY and then come back here before my mom gets even more sick, i really honestly do not know what to do.
she may make a random miraculous recovery, just like last year.
she may not.

how am i supposed to predict this? how am i supposed to know what is best for all of us? how am i supposed to know how i will perceive this decision AFTER it's all over?

mother effer.

in the meantime i sit here, listen to those damn frogs, and think.