lately

i've realized that as much as try, my wounds are much too open to let anyone in, no matter how great (or not great) they are. i've said this a million times, but as much as i think i'm great and moved on and ready for my next relationship, suddenly i get an awful feeling, a memory, of ex #1 or ex #2 or even that other one before them, and i feel that i hate everyone all over again and that i'm just not ready for anything.

maybe i never will be.

i suspect that something very awful is happening around me, right in my face, right where i breathe and where i walk, and it's driving me crazy. i think it's holding me from completely letting everything go. the rage is overwhelming at times.

soon. soon it'll be nothing to me. they'll be nothing to me. and i won't care and everything will be me.