don't forget that we're NOT doing this in '06

a. loves, hates, loves, then hates, and finally loves again the same person she has for about a year. she's also fiercely overprotective of her friends, and of course, her brother.

e. is in love with a's brother, and they are apparently dating, or something. e. loves to pretend she disposes of men easily, that all she needs are her friends, but we all know she secretly longs for marriage, a home, and days spent making kids.

m. (the one in new york), only falls in love with the bad guys. her heart is always broken by this one or that one, and despite her vast intelligence, she just can't get love right.

c. is annoyingly picky, tends to be a bit obsessive (i prefer the word "monogamous"), and thinks herself to be the most normal of the bunch, when in reality, she's probably the one who needs the most help (whatever).

who knew?

life in paradise has been treating me very well. i am staying at my "stepdad's" new house on a beach resort, and only stepped into civilization tonight for one of my closest friend's birthday party. sitting by the pool, reading, going to the beach, playing with santiago the killer dachshund. these are all the strenuous activities i have endured during the past couple of days. and i love it. sort of makes me consider moving here.

the other main plus to visiting puerto rico this year is seeing my mom while she's in a relatively good state. while she certainly still has cancer, she is in high spirits despite being weak, loud and funny despite feeling ill. we've spent almost every waking moment together and really, it's been amazing. besides, one of the main reasons i came here was to be with my brother, and that in itself has made the trip worth it.

tonight i saw most of my new york friends as well, and it was just so nice to feel the same connection with them here as we do there. right now, i just feel relaxed, rested, and most of all lucky. which is much more than i can say about how i felt on my way here.

te para tres

at first i was going, then i cancelled my trip, and just now, as of a few minutes ago, not only am i going, but i'm staying for 4 days longer than i originally was. i think this basically exemplifies my relationship with the place where i was born. regardless, tomorrow i will be Puerto Rico-bound, love/hate or not.

the past few weeks have been difficult. i've simultaneously had bronchitis, hosted my mother in New York, spent much more money than i earn, had "romantic difficulties," and had a near-breakdown (not related - i swear!).

thankfully, from this point on things should be smooth sailing. i will be back in time for my new year's bash with my close friends, and then the new year. new year, new me? ha.

i expect great things from 2006. i also have a few resolutions that i'll mention later. once thing i will say, is that no more MAJOR, SAW IT COMING 10000 MILES AWAY mistakes. that is just SOOO 2005.

sometimes, i just love new york.

the best part about the transit strike 2005 is the people on craigslist looking for strike sex, and the corresponding new york blogs commenting on it.

some people are just too much.

show me forgiveness

i can't even talk about the fiona concert last night. the only thing i'll mention is this:

she ended with my favorite song of hers, "parting gift." the band had left the stage, and it was just her on the piano. before she began, she said, "the people i write these angry songs about, i do think they're worthwhile, and the time i spent with them was worth it. i wrote this song for them." she paused, sighed, and began singing.

i've been trying very hard lately to think this very way. i think of old friends, old flames, and how badly things have ended, and wonder if it was all worth it. i wonder if it could ever be the way it was, if i can ever forgive them, and myself, for all that happened.

i was remembering in particular a close friend from college, with whom m. and i spent tons of time with, who after a very stupid turn of events, we completely lost touch with (on purpose). she currently lives in new york, and i often wonder what it would be like to see her. at one time, she was so involved in our lives, that it seems strange that now there's nothing.

this is the case with a few people. people who knew me inside and out, who were my everything, and are now just a name, a memory, a regret. and it's hard to forgive, both me and them, for the way things have gone. i just wish it was different. i wish i was ok with everyone i want to be ok with. that's all.

yellow envelope

tonight, getting home from a concert and getting ready for a night out with friends, i stop by my apartment to check my mail and feed my pup. expecting to find credit card offers and catalogs, instead i received the invitation to my high school best friend's wedding. the girl who helped me through the death of my father, who i lived with while my mother was incredibly ill, whose brother was my first boyfriend. the girl who i loved so much, it hurt horribly when we eventually grew apart.

she's getting married, the first one of my closest friends to do so, and whose wedding i will actually look forward to, and attend. i wonder if she remembers our trip to Paris, where we became friends in the first place, and where we got lost in the Eiffel Tower. or how when i used to sleep over she could never fall asleep without the radio on, to KQ105. her obsession with Ricky Martin, and the fact that she dated his brother (for real). how pissed she got when i started dating her sibling, how we eventually made up but it was never the same. how she helped me through so much, and how her father became like my own. her family accepted me like a daughter, something i will never forget, and i'm not sure she knows how much she has meant in my life.

and now she's getting married. when we first talked about the wedding, she told me to bring my boyfriend-at-the-time, so even though he's no longer in the picture, i still get a +1. the thing is, the main person i would consider bringing right now, is already going. which is part of the reason i look forward to this bittersweet event so much. we'll all be there, the old crowd. and no matter how much things have changed, how much we've changed, some things are just always the same.

um

so here's the truth. i'm afraid i'm broken. that he broke me. that i am so hurt and so...destroyed, that i wont be able to open myself up again ever again.
who i've met, who i'll meet, doesnt matter. i cannot imagine ever being with someone again, ever allowing someone to know me, to see what he saw. and to be intimate. please. the thought could not be more vomit inducing.
i've been trying. trust me, i've tried. but it's not about moving on for me now. it's about starting over. and to do that, with anyone, seems much worse than impossible.

i LOVE her

tonight i saw the coolest woman on planet earth.

strict machine - oh yea.

goldfrapp tonight. cannot wait. leaving in a few. AHHH.

while we're on the topic of music, let me just say that i am obsessed with "my humps" by the black eyed peas. OBSESSED. now, i have always said that i hate the BEP, but really, this song. this one song. it is possibly the funniest thing i've ever heard, and i just can't handle it. in fact, the first picture i ever posted of myself on here (where you saw the side of my face, and a blonde behind me, grinding), is of me dancing to that song. CANNOT HANDLE IT.

also. can we talk about grey's anatomy? burke. oh sweet, sweet burke. how i love thee. yes, the real story is supposed to be ellen pompeo and patrick dempsey, but for me it's all about isaiah washington and sandra oh. and no, elba, i am NOTHING like christina (sandra oh). yes, i'm a sarcastic bitchy person, but come on. the only thing we have in common is our love for burke. oh burke. burke burke burke.

that is all.

allison goldfrapp, protect yourself. you are the hottest woman ever and i am coming after you. or at least, i am dyeing my hair like yours. sigh.

tonight

so it's 5:30 am and i'm not drunk because i just ate an enormous hamburger, but i felt the need to say some things.
lately i've felt more like myself, more together. not sure why or what's the change, but i'm about to go back to my old haircolor (blonde - which is significant only because i'm going back to who i used to be), i have a group of friends that i love and that make me feel complete, and i think i am ready to take the next step with my career and my professional life.

i have been in love and had a broken heart twice this year. i almost lost my mother, rebuilt the relationship with my brother, and learned horrifically difficult lessons about love and friendship. basically i am just ready for this year to be over, for 2006 to start, for there to be a new me, but really, just the same old Cristina. the one i know.

i'm also hoping the new year brings forgiveness, and the strength for me to put aside old drama and rebuilt lost love, friendship and otherwise. i dont know, right now i just have hope that everything will be ok. my mother is ok right now, which is really my main concern, and after that there are just friends, who are my extended family.

anywho

please disregard last post. gotta stop these drunk posts. this blog is starting to sound like college.

anyway, last night 2 friends and i crashed some hedge fund holiday party at a penthouse loft in the village. there were about 600 people there, and we walked right by the bouncer, pretended we were employees, and officially became one of the hordes of crashers.

the party itself was funny. the local was gorgeous, it was open bar, there was food (that was gone by the time we got there), and massive amounts of people. the loft space was complete with 3 floors, 2 outdoor terraces, and a rooftop pool that was allegedly the pool where Samantha got busy with Richard on Sex and the City. i am terrified of heights, and this place was not for the faint of heart. but i went up there, stared at the view, and said fuck it, i can do this.

next step, empire state building. well, maybe not.

yet another

i can't see straight, so i figured, great time to post.

my friend puked on the street, so great time to post.

i conquered my fear of higts, so, great time to post.

i met someone so, great time to post.

i am dealing, moving, wheeling, so, great time to post.

i think i'm gonna eat a slice, so, great time to post.

must. not. puke.

great. night. overall.

i was supposed to go blonde today, but the colorist said no, so, great time to post.

hate everyone, so, great time to posr,

FUCk YOU>